How I Overcame My Fear Of Rejection

Too afraid of being rejected I waited until she found someone else.

Too scared of being denied I didn’t ask for help and was left all alone.

Too terrified of what would happen if they said “ No “ I never applied myself with everything I had so I could keep pretending that they rejected the version of me that never really tried.

My fear of being rejected prevented me from living at all.

I pretended to be someone else to take the blow or made a huge detour just to avoid the feeling of being rejected, which did not really get me to where I wanted to go.

It always felt like I settled for something less and after dozens of days crying myself to sleep I eventually had enough.

I looked back and realized all the opportunities I could have had and never took. I looked back and saw a life I never lived and said that I would not let any more time slip past.

So, I applied myself with everything I had.

I decided to dive right into the situations, feeling proud of the courage I showed and optimistic in sight of the results.

When I finally asked out that girl she looked me up and down, laughed whole-heartedly and waved me away with a “Pffft!”.

When I finally asked my friends for help they avoided me and made up the worst excuses to not be around me.

When I applied myself fully to my learning and applied for jobs I got worse grades and was rejected faster than ever before.

All that pretending I used to do saved me from just these moments, but when I fully faced them I couldn’t run anymore.

I couldn’t pretend that women didn’t want to date me because they liked somebody else, that my “friends” didn’t help because they were too busy and that I got rejected from the opportunities that life presented because I didn’t give it everything I got.

I could not hide from the truth any longer, and that left a huge gash inside my soul.

It felt as though someone had rammed a claymore inside my heart.

“Ignorance is Bliss” they always say and boy did I wish I could have remained ignorant back then.

Yet, when all that pain disappeared I noticed that something still remained.

When everything was said and done, I was still there.

My life did not suddenly come to an end. Those rejections did not kill me.

And, what’s more, even though they hurt, now I knew what I was in for, and, to be honest, that didn’t make it seem so bad in hindsight.

Of course the rejections hurt, but only because they took me by surprise.

Before I knew it I had asked out another girl, called for help once more and applied myself to another part of life only to be rewarded with things I never dreamed of.

The girl said “Yes “ before I could finish my sentence. The friends were there and helped me out more caringly than I ever thought anyone could. And the path I chose for life made me as happy as I was on my happiest days.

No matter how often or badly you are rejected, you will never die as a consequence of it. It won’t kill you.

You will still be alive, life will still go on and you will have another chance to turn it all around!

When you get rejected that’s all that happens!

It ends there. That’s it.

There are no lasting repercussions, nothing worse will happen. The world won’t go up in flames.

When you understand that life goes on and that a Rejection is not the end for you, when you “know your enemy” it becomes far less concerning.

Of course the rejections will still hurt… But only if you really get rejected! And then only for a moment.

To understand this, not just logically but truly, you have to be a bit courageous.

You have to dive into the unknown and be brave enough to take a hit. You have to go in with the mindset that this will hurt and be ready for it.

I promise you the next hit will hurt less and you will not even notice the rejections sooner than you think.

The toughest hit is the first one, get that one out of the way.

When you know that the worst that can happen is not that bad you lose the fear over it.

Face the Rejections and know that it won’t kill you. Life moves on.

Originally published at



Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post.

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Lukas Schwekendiek

Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post.