How To Develop A Stable Identity When Plagued By Bouts Of Depression And Anxiety
And stay consistently composed and confident
The best “stable” identity is the stability created in creating a fluid identity.
Your identity has to be stable at the smallest, deepest point possible, and completely changeable everywhere else.
Ideally, this means that you are so confident in yourself that it doesn’t matter who you are.
It means that you can be a jerk, the nicest guy on the planet, and anything in between and have that change every hour of every day and still be totally in love with who you are.
If you want to have a stable identity learn to love yourself for everything you are, regardless of what that is. Learn to stop judging yourself.
Bruce Lee advocated something similar long ago and it still rings true today:
“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; you put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” — Bruce Lee
Although my interpretation may not be what he truly meant, it still is a great way to think about identities.
If your identity can adapt to whatever situation you are in and still remain itself, then you won’t have to make a stable identity.
Although it’s form may always change to adopt whatever the situation asks for it, water always remains water.
It never changes at its core!
That, in my opinion, is the most powerful form you can have.
In real terms, this means that you must be accepting of whatever situation arises and even more so of yourself regardless of how the situation changes you.
You cannot be rigid regardless of what comes along and have to “go with the flow” wherever you can without truly changing.
This means that, at the core, you are always you.
Regardless of what situation comes up, you do not change.
You stay true to your core values, stay true to what you truly believe in and stay true to what you deem the most important.
Outside of that, however, you become totally formless.
It’s about picking a few values that remain totally unchanging and that you back-up with your entire being, and letting the rest completely go.
For example, this means if one of your values is ‘Commitment’ then you commit regardless of the situation. Even when everyone else tells you to stop you still commit to what you are doing and still give it your all.
And it means if ‘Intelligence’ is something you do not care about, then truly do not care about it. Whether others call you stupid, dumb, smart or a genius, you treat it all the same because it does not matter one bit.
To bring this all together, what this means is this:
Pick your core values and define them as best as you can. Stick to only a few. Only the ones that you cannot not do.
Start out with ~5. Each of the values has to be backed up with 100% commitment, so define them carefully.
Invest in these core values as much as you can. Become the living embodiment of these values, whether it’s alone at home or surrounded by a large group of people.
CAUTION: Doing this requires not only hardcore discipline but also a respectable amount of courage. You have to be able to be brave enough to stand up for your values and disciplined enough to do it every single time.
Everything that does not fall into what was said above, you let go completely.
Remind yourself that you do not care about the rest whenever it comes up.
If it is not part of your values then allow it to be whatever it may be.
Originally published at http://quora.com.
