How To Love Yourself: An Unconventional Approach

Lukas Schwekendiek
3 min readSep 23, 2022
Photo by MM Tey on Unsplash

You are on your own team.

No matter how many mistakes you make, moments you miss or how much you regret the choices that you’ve made or who you used to be, you were always on your own side.

In all your life, everything you have done was with the subtle thought in mind that it would benefit you in the long run.

You never did anything to directly harm yourself in any way. Everything you ever did was for your own benefit.

That’s not to say that everything worked out in your favor, hindsight is always 20/20, but it was all for you to be happier in the end.

Everything you ever did you did for you.

You could not foresee everything, did not always act how you wanted to, and maybe made some easy-to-avoid mistakes, but in the end you always tried your best.

Besides, you are who you are.

You enjoy what you enjoy, hate what you hate, and feel what you feel.

There is nothing right or wrong with that, it is just what is.

Blaming yourself for who you are is just like blaming yourself for what foods you enjoy.

It’s something outside your control.

The emotions that you feel are not good or bad; they are just what you feel.

The things you want are not good or bad; they are just what you want.

And the actions you took were not good or bad; they just were the choice you thought would be best.

Accept who you are; which includes everything you do, feel, and think.

Once you find that baseline then you can look at what you want to create on top of that.

With the acceptance first, however, it makes who you want to become a desire not a need.

Self-love can only happen when you do not demand that you change.

It can only happen when you accept yourself for who you are and learn to love that person behind all the expectations.

That is not to say that you then cannot ever change, but it means that should you remain who you are you would not be bothered by it.

Lukas Schwekendiek

Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post.