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How To Politely Tell Someone That You Do Not Want To Spend Time With Them

Lukas Schwekendiek
3 min readJun 12, 2024

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When it comes to the feelings of other people you want to be kind and make sure that they understand that it is on you, not them.

People, in general, are much more self-conscious than they appear.

If you say that you do not want to hang out with them, for whatever reason, their thoughts will default to rejection and negative reasons first.

They will think it is due to them and can spiral negatively out of control.

To circumvent this it is best to keep it positive, to make ‘I-statements’, and to be as honest as you can, which usually requires a certain amount of self-awareness.

Option #1

“Hey, I would love to hang out with you. Can I get a raincheck on it today though? There are some things that I have to do today that I just have to get done.”

In this example you are emphasizing the fact that it is not that you do not want to hang out with them, but rather that you have something else going on.

The last sentence should be replaced with whatever the true reason is, making sure that it is an ‘I-statement’.

Other examples here include:

  • “I am just very low on social energy and need some time to

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Lukas Schwekendiek
Lukas Schwekendiek

Written by Lukas Schwekendiek

Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post. Coaching available again! Email: Lukas.schwekendiek@gmail.com with the word "Coaching"

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