It's hard Diane.

I cannot speak for you 100%, as I likely did not have the same expectations or to the same degree, but what helped me was to realize that, at some point, there was no one looking over my shoulder anymore.

If you have seen "Catch me if you can", it reminds me of the final scene:

...“Because,” says Hanratty, gesturing behind him, “nobody's chasing you.”

There may have been a time where people watched your every move, pushing you for more. There may even be people who still do that because it is what they have always done. But, when you are sitting alone at home, there is no one behind you.

Maybe this cannot fix the problem entirely, but hopefully it can lead to at least some reprieve.