Remove Small Talk: How To Start Those Meaningful And Deep Conversations

Lukas Schwekendiek
4 min readJan 27, 2023
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Small talk is boring.

Most of us secretly despise it and try our best not to have a lot of it.

We do it because we are socially obligated or because we’ve been trained to always keep the conversations shallow, but, when everything is said and done, it does nothing for us.

It’s just what we do.

If we could chose, however, most of us would much rather have those conversations that make us lose track of time.

We want to have those deep, meaningful conversations we never forget, but, in an attempt to not come off as overbearing and to abide by the unwritten social protocols, we instead talk about the weather, about how the weekend was, or about the latest global events, none of which really interest us.

But what would happen if we just abandoned the protocols?

What if we just started the conversations that interested us out of nowhere and with no prompt or transition?

“… This weather is sure bad right now. It’s just so gray and bleak. No wonder people are so sad.”

“…Yeah… What do you think is the meaning of life?”

“What? Where did that come from all of the sudden?”

“I don’t know. I guess I am just curious what you think. What has given the most meaning to life or what do you think will?”

An example like this might throw the other person off at first, but it may also be exactly what they are thinking.

The key is being honest in the questions and approach, without any underlying point.

That is what gets people to connect with the topic.

To see examples of this just look at any child with a genuine interest in what they are talking about.

Most adults cannot break themselves free from that interest and engage with the child with all they have.

Which means: It’s not what you ask or talk about but how you talk about it that matters.

If you show genuine curiosity and are intentionally interested in getting a deep conversation going you will find that the other person will accept and…

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Lukas Schwekendiek

Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post.