The Definition of You

You are you. That is a fact that never changes, yet a fact that keeps most people from doing the work they need to and achieving what they really want in life.

No matter what changes in your life, no matter where you go, who you become, what happens, what does not happen, and who you surround yourself with, you will always be you.

If you turn extremely successful tomorrow and broke the next day, that does not change that fact in the same way that you turning into the nicest or meanest person does not change the fact that you are you.

The Definition of what ‘You’ stands for may change, but you are forever and always a 100% accurate representation of that ever-changing definition.

Unlike with most other things, you cannot put one set definition to who you are that you hold onto for the rest of your life.

You know that Red will always be Red. The color will never change and if you mention it to someone they will know exactly what you are talking about.

But if you talk about yourself that may mean a different thing now from 5 seconds ago, because you define the definition based on who you are at that moment in time.

At some points you define yourself as productive, at other moments as lazy, and at others still as handsome, smart, boring, aggressive, a teacher, a student, a writer, a coach, a friend, a son, a daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, etc.

So far so good? Still makes sense?

It’s a rather tough thing to get your head around, so re-read this post if you get lost anywhere in between.

If you are following along, then the question you will have is: “Why is this significant? Why does this matter?”

The reason this is so important is because we want to hold ourselves to old standards that do not allow us to progress from where we are.

We look at our past, at who we used to be, and then do not accept ourselves for who we are in that moment, leading us to feel horrible for not progressing as fast as we used to.

When we get scared and do not want to be, when we get angry and judge ourselves for it, when we make a mistake with pretty bad consequences or when we let something slip that others call us names for we say “That’s not me”.

But the truth is that that is also part of us. It’s just not all of us.

The reason this means so much is because every time we hold ourselves accountable for someone we’re not we do not allow in who we are, which results in blame, judgement and an overall lack of acceptance, which then, in turn, turns to regret, fear and an overall inaction to change.

Let me try to explain this differently.

Jim is a passionate runner. He goes jogging every day, participates in events for fun and is overall an exceptional athlete.

One day he got into an accident that shattered his right leg. It took him months to recover and years to run halfway normally again.

On the first day that Jim decides to go running again every step hurt. He barely manages to run at all, his condition is a mess, and it takes him five times as long to finish just half the track he used to run.

Now, Jim can judge himself for that, blame himself and regret the fact that he is not the old definition of himself anymore. Or he can accept the fact that he is still himself, just that the definition of who that is has changed.

If you keep holding onto this old idea of you, you will not accept any results below your old best and it will drive you crazy.

If Jim never accepts that he has to do things differently he will continuously feel like he is under-performing, will not accept the help he may need and his arrogance will ultimately make him pay the price of his dreams.

Being a runner was a huge part of Jim's life and he tied a lot of value to that that he could not let go so easily. Instead of adopting the definition to fit him he tried to change himself to fit the definition of who he used to be.

We all do the same things in different regards. We look at our best relationships, at our most productive days, and at the happiest time in our lives and wish for us to be there once more.

We look at all the things we used to be able to accomplish, look at the things that used to drive us and blame ourselves for not being at our best.

We spend so much time regretting that we do not get the time to accept that things are different now; that we are different now.

In the end, however, you are still you. While you have changed you have not lost yourself.

Keep accepting yourself for however you change and learn to grow with who you are. It will make your life far easier.