The Lesson In The Dark — What To Do When No One Understands

There are certain things in life you cannot change. Nothing you can do will truly change how you feel, nothing you, or anyone else, can say will make you feel better, and no amount of good things can break through that negativity.

It’s those moments where you understand, logically, that it is not as bad as it feels, which, unfortunately, does very little to combat these emotions, that are even worse than the ones where you don’t understand.

For in the moments you don’t understand it could be that same understanding that represents a light at the end of it all.

But, if you already see why it makes sense and understand your own emotions, then that possibility is removed as well.

Be it a breakup that you know was for the best, a move to a different life where you have to start over, or a loved one moving on after having suffered long enough; these moments are truly challenging.

The worst part about those moments is that many people do not understand; or rather, they do understand, but cannot emphasize on the same level because they cannot feel what you feel.

And the only ones who truly get it are the ones that will tell you that it will just take time; which again leaves you with nothing but pain inside your heart.

I am not sure whether what I say will help you. I do not understand your situation and do not pretend to know how you feel.

But I want to try nonetheless, to give you something you can work on that has at least a tiny chance to make things better.

If you have read this far I am assuming you are suffering from one of those moments, or have in the past.

A moment that you understand, where you know why your emotions are the way they are, and even get why things are not as bad as they seem, but also a moment where none of that understanding seems to matter, for you still feel horrible inside.

The first thing I want you to do in that situation is to allow yourself to feel that negative.

I know this is something many people say, but I want you to truly give this a chance.

Go inside yourself and say “Yes” to everything about this situation that makes you feel so terrible inside.

“Yes, I am sad. Yes, I do miss this. Yes, this will suck. Yes, I am afraid. Yes, I do not see a way to make things better. Yes, I wish it would all go away. Yes, it does hurt inside. Yes, I just want to despair.”

Give every thought and feeling a voice. Not to make it any bigger than it is but rather to see it for what it is.

These are feelings you have, these are thoughts you have, there is a reason they are there! Acknowledge that!

Let it all out and go deep.

Cry your heart out, let it be awful for just this moment and release everything you can.

If you give yourself the space and opportunity to do all of that, there will come a moment where there will be nothing left to say.

No words. No thoughts. No feelings. It will all be on the table.

Likely, you will feel empty, lost and unsure.

It’s that moment of utter emptiness that I want you to strive for.

Because, when you finally reach that stage, you will not have the option to go down any lower.

There is nothing inside that scares you that you’ve yet to look at and release, for it is all already out there!

And with nothing left there are only two choices left: To Stay or to Move.

You can stay where you are, at the bottom of the pit you thought had no end.

You can stay there and continue to feel empty, lost and unsure. It cannot get worse.

And, honestly speaking, you will likely decide to linger a while.

Chances are you are going to be out of energy of having dived down that deep and, while the bottom of this pit is not great, it still is relieving to understand that there is nothing more to come.

So you can rest assured that nothing worse will come. That alone will already feel refreshing.

You’ve blocked so much, tried to run from so many thoughts and emotions, that not needing to run anymore will give you a chance to catch your breath.

And once you’ve done that you will take a look at the other option in front you.

The path down has reached it’s end, and while you could try to climb back up and make things better, that is not what I hope you do.

If you go up when you are not ready you will simply have a place from which to fall again.

Do not try to rise. Just move.

Move. Just move. There is no direction that you need to take, no path you need to choose, nothing to decide.

The only thing you should do is take a step.

The life you knew may be over. You may not see how things can get better and doubt they ever will even if they could.

The sadness and fear are so much they feel like they could tear you apart at any moment, and you sometimes wish they would, only so that the weight on your heart would be lifted.

Things may get better, at least that is what everybody else is saying. Time may heal the wounds that you have right now, at least that is what everybody else is saying.

But whether or not that’s true does not matter, for it’s only you should be moving for.

One step may not change everything, but it may change enough. Enough for you to feel a tiny bit better, to open a tiny gap in the void you see all around; and hopefully with another, and another, you will open a ray of hope.

Know that there are people who do understand. People that have gone through the same pain and have made it through.

And understand that no matter how little belief you have in that things will get better, if you take just a single step, you may find something that you did not think was there.