The Subtle Signs That Someone Doesn’t Have Very High Self-Esteem

• Saying “Sorry” a lot — There are times for these words, but they are not as frequent as you might think. Use “Sorry” only if you actually feel it; not as defensive mechanism.
• Self-deprecating Humor — A little sarcasm can go a long way, but a constant, self-deprecating, sense of self is very hurtful to ones confidence over time.
• Feeling Bad about Procrastinating — If you want to take a break; then take a break! But if you feel bad about it means you are not acting in accordance to what you feel; you are only tricking yourself as another form of defense.
• Lack of Opinion/Lack of Defending Opinion — A lack of a strong opinion is often a sign that the person thinks they are wrong. That their ideas are faulty, not good enough or just bad.
• Problem Oriented thinking — When you ask a person “How are you, really?” and they only think about the problems in their life and complain about them all, you are dealing with someone that has rather low self-esteem. At least, if this happens on a regular basis.
• Working too much — People with high self-esteem are those that do a few tasks, do them well, and know that they have an impact. They are often uncomfortable and laced with backlashes, but when they work they really work. People with low self-esteem are not ready to tackle these kinds of high impact decisions and therefore often busy themselves with tasks that don’t matter nearly as much.

Most of these things, as you may have noticed, are defensive mechanisms used to avoid confrontations.

Be it with themselves or others, people with low self-esteem rarely take part in confrontations to protect what little they do have.

The problem is that it’s exactly that defensive mechanism that keeps them small.

Originally published at http://quora.com.