The Thing I Want To Do Most Before I Die
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I am a Self-Improvement nut.
As long as I remember I have always enjoyed video games where you level up, get stronger, Role-playing of all kinds and the idea of being the hero of a story.
I loved the stories that had the hero overcome trials, where they were challenged, despaired, and eventually broke out anyway.
As I got older and went into Self-Improvement and Psychology, this side of me only grew stronger.
I knew I could become better even if I did not know what that meant at first.
Today, I think I know, at least in general what it means to me:
I want to become my own hero.
I have worked very hard on myself and on who I am as a person.
Confident, Courageous, Certain, Honorable, Honest, Masculine, Feminine, Emotional, Strong, Desirable, Creative, Successful, Fun, Loving, Caring, Respectful, and Respected.
The more I learned the more I crystallized this idea in my head as to what a Hero was supposed to be, and the more I saw who I used to be and how far I was away from that idea.
The one thing I want to do before I die is to be able to look in the mirror and feel truly proud, with nothing left to become, when I see my reflection.
I am very proud of how far I have come, and am very happy with who I am, but I am not quite everything I want to be just yet.
There are still things I want to improve upon, things I want to “level up”.
I don’t need to, but I chose to.
And I honestly do not care what that does for the world or for my life or even the people around me.
It is a very personal and selfish goal, but one that speaks to me and everything I do.
I do not care about achievements or success or money or love.
Yes, they are all nice to have and I cherish them when I get them or notice them, but what matters to me more is being proud of who I am.
Maybe this stems from missing words in my childhood, maybe it stems from ideas imprinted on me as I was growing up, or maybe it is just who I am and what I want.
Honestly: it makes no difference, for it is what I feel.
When I first started to change my life I looked into the mirror and imprinted the image of the scared, nervous, shy man looking back at me, into my mind forever.
I want to be able to tell that man to see how far we’ve come, and to feel proud of the journey for we have made it.
I want to become my own hero.
