The Yearning for Love — Why We Want to Feel Connected to Others

Lukas Schwekendiek
2 min readApr 2, 2022
Photo by Matt Paul Catalano on Unsplash

The basis of the desire to being understood comes from a desire to not be alone.

We all want to be part of something greater, a community or a circle of people that values each other.

But if we are not understood by anyone we feel alone and like we do not belong anywhere.

Maybe, a long time ago, we used to desire to be a part of a group for survival, but over time this changed into something that we just feel we need.

We’ve evolved to have our soul and spirit crushed when not being understood by anyone.

We start to feel lost, isolated and like we have to take on the whole world by ourselves.

More than anything, this makes us scared.

Truth be told, that is just one theory, but there are many others.

If you listen to spiritual gurus they will teach you that your desire for being understood is your desire to be part of the whole again, part of the universe you were born from.

Religious leaders will tell you that it is to get back to the source. Back to God, Krishna, Allah, or whatever religion you believe in.

Who is right and who is not is up to you to decide, for we do not know what is right.

All we know is that, as humans, we have this innate need to be understood, to be part of a group and not alone.

The good new is that it takes just a single person that understands us.

We do not need the world to be on our side, in fact, we do not even need a real person.

We can find solace in books, in people that have long passed away, in fictional characters or in people we never met before.

As long as we feel that we are not alone in this world, that what is going on inside our heads is not something no one ever had to deal with, we feel like we are not a stranger to a world but a part of it.

You can foster this feeling yourself by looking at what makes you similar to others rather than what sets you apart.

And then, when you do feel connected to the entire world, you will see that your life is and has always been a part of this world.

Your life matters and is a piece of this universe.

Your need to be part of something more merely comes from the idea that you are not part of it already.

As Alan Watts puts it: “You are a wave that the whole ocean is doing.”

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Lukas Schwekendiek

Life Coach, Speaker, Writer. Published on TIME, Inc & Huffington Post.