Why We Are Afraid Of Death
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My fear of death dissipated only after I came face to face with it.
After a series of events I looked at my life and thought that after 21 years (my age at the time) I had done absolutely nothing with my life worth any value.
I worked harder than any other student, tried my best to get ahead, even if just by a little bit, and grinded so hard only to still fail at the end.
I felt frustrated at my own failures, worried about my future and regretful about all that time I could have spent having fun.
I had done so much, worked so many hours, said ‘No’ to so many things… for what?
For me to still fail?
For it all to be worth nothing at all?
When those realizations hit me I was living in my “amazing” 22-square-meter apartment and began to cry my eyes out.
After what felt like days of crying I felt so distraught and so down that I had to get help; the pain of the moment was too much for me to bear.
I knew I could not escape this pit I fell in by myself and I could not go any further down… or so I thought, but when I looked through my contacts I went through about 100+ different people only to find that not a single one would understand what I was going through.
…
So…
After 21 years I had nothing and no one in my life.
Despair set in again and I cried even harder for another 2 hours, which, again, felt much longer.
By the end I was breathing so heavily I thought I would pass out at any moment and was shivering and sobbing to the point my entire body hurt.
I had to get out of this life that lead me here, I had to escape this pain… NOW!
And I only knew two ways of doing this:
- Change my life — Whatever I had been doing till then lead me here… which apparently did not work out at all.
- End my life — Being done with it all, once and for all.
The problem was… that I had absolutely no clue on how to change my life.
In that moment I really tried to figure out how to do it, what to do next and how I could turn things…
